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Film Clichés
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VILLAINS
see also DEATH
• The bad guy is the foreigner.
• Corollary: the foreigner is the guy who speaks English with an English
accent
• The bad guy also has a side-kick muscleman, who has some sort of trademark
gimmick that he/she uses to eliminate opponents. You must kill or decomission
this muscleman by forcing a backfiring of this trademarked gimmick.
If the muscleman dispatched by a different method, he/she is not dead.
(For that matter, don't assume that anyone is dead unless their death
was spectacular. Beware sequels.)
• No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still
get up at least 3 more times. Therefore, always make sure to leave his
gun in or near his hand after you've killed him and you turn away to
comfort the girl.
• When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed
one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him
coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish
the villain off.
• The bad guy usually kills his henchman for failing, yet don't seem
to run out of loyal henchmen.
• Bad guys lurk until their presence is revealed by a flash of lightning.
• You can kill the bad guy by taking careful note of any object that
the camera has lingered on for an unnecessarly length of time; typically
this is something like a meathook or a jagged bit of glass. You will
be involved in a mighty struggle, and at the appropriate time you can
become inspired (usually by either an insult from the bad guy or a look
of faith from your love interest) with strength enough to force the
bad guy into/onto/under/in front of the aforementioned object. Actor's
Equity (Hollywood) requires that within 15 seconds either side of the
bad guy's demise, you utter your trademark phrase.
• Whenever a villian has captured the hero, he will pause for 5 minutes
to tell the hero every detail of his plan to destroy and/or rule
the earth, including times, dates, and addresses.
• The bad guy, having finally gotten the good guy into his clutches,
will usually spend a few meglomaniac minutes gloating over his victory
and his opponent's downfall. This increment of time will prove just
enough to allow the good guy to figure a way out of his predicament,
or just long enough to allow a rescue attempt.
• The bad guy, instead of simply offing the captured good guy on the
spot, will devise some sort of drawn-out, fiendishly clever method of
execution that will take enough time to allow the good guy to figure
out his escape.
• When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed
one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him
coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish
the villain off.
• You can always tell which nationality the United States and the popular
media are currently most unhappy with because that nation sends all
their villains to star in Hollywood movies during those times (e.g.
Germans in the late 40's and 50's, Asians in the 60's and 70's, Soviets
in the 70's and 80's and Middle Easterners in the 90's).
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