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WOMEN

• Women will always have shaved legs and armpits, even in caveman movies.
• Women will be worrying about their nails or dresses while people are trying to kill them. (see also CHASES)
• Women stand wide-eyed, hand to mouth, while hero battles villain. Women never thinks to clonk villain with handy object. Counterpoint: If woman does clonk, she always hits hero instead.
• Women always fight other movie women by pulling hair, falling to ground together, rolling over twice.
• High-powered female executives always wear miniskirts and five-inch heels to work
• Beautiful women will always fawn over an action hero, no matter what sexist remarks he makes to them.
• A female lead with feminist leanings will always despise a macho hero--until the first time he rescues her from certain death. She will then become totally conventional and dependent. Once she does this, the hero will become vulnerable and tell her about some tragic loss that will explain his belligerent attitude.
• Women wear make-up to bed, and wake up with hair and face completely intact.
• Women don't need to go to the bathroom when they get up but will shower frequently.
• If a woman is pregnant, she will deliver before the movie ends.
• Women also scream or make some other noise at the precise moment the villian is close enough to hear.
• Women always stand and watch the cars that are about to run them over or the bad guys that are about to shoot them (even if there's cover close by).
• Strong (character/will) women are always macho, or bitchy.
• Women always stuff their fist(s) in their mouths when terrified.
• Women always have to be rescued by the hero, even if they're champion/ expert this or that.
• Women are always too hysterical to do what the hero instructs. He has to elp/force her/knock her out.

WOOD

• Heros and villains can successfully use wood, no matter how thin, as a safe shield against bullets of any caliber.
• When crossing a rotting suspended bridge, with well spaced wooden slats, the slat will always brake when a woman steps on it. Also, it is odd that the wood will rot away long before the vine ropes begin to rot!
• Little league teams in movie land still use bats made of wood while every other little league team is forced to use aluminum bats.