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WAR

• You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• Every army platoon has at least one, usually black, member who can play the harmonica.
• All G.I.s know how to make a still out of a jeep radiator.
• If a soldier tries to look up an old buddy who was transfered to different unit, the buddy will be dead, or will die shortly there after.
• If a main character dies, his sweetheart back home will have nightmare at that exact same moment
• New replacements always get killed before you can even learn their names.
• The hero's weapon is always different from everyone elses.
• Every unit has a "Scrounge" who can get you anything from an atomic bomb to a date with the general's daughter for a bottle of cheap scotch, or vice-versa.
• The platoon sargeant never has a grenade on him, so he always asks someone else for the grenade, then pulls the pin out with his teeth. (which will usually cause you to lose teeth before extracting the pin!)
• Everyone who joins an Airborne (parachute) outfit doesn't understand why anyone would jump out of perfectly good airplane.
• Elite units (Special Forces, Rangers, Commandos) are always recruited from convicts and other socially degenerate segments of society.
• Elite units are always considered expendable even though they cost much much more to train and maintain.
• Roger, wilco -- over and out. nuff said. Radio transmission are always improper.
• The German Army always uses U. S. Patton Tanks.
• Cannons, howitzers, and main tank guns NEVER recoil, unless its old documentary footage.
• The battle hardened vet will always fall on a grenade for the new guy, rather than picking up the grenade and throwing it away, or jumping out of the fox hole.
• Fox holes never have overhead protection, or grenade pits.
• Only the "Japs" and the "VC" bother to use booby traps.
• German soldier always wear grey uniforms and jack-boots, though these uniforms were pretty much pahsed out by mid 1943.
• SS soldiers always wear their black uniform.
• The British Army is only allowed to fight in North Africa, and even then only elite forces other than the LRDG and SAS are allowed to fight.
• Only the Marines fought the war in the Pacific. No Army personnel were involved.
• The military hero always carries a special knife with an 11 inch + blade and a hollow handle with all sorts of gadgets. (most soldiers stick with the standard bayonet [6 in blade], Marine Corps Fighting knife [7 in blade], or airforce [5 1/2 in blade] survival knife. None have hollow handles because hollow handles break too easily).
• Snipers always know exactly where someone will pop there head out of trench and soldiers in trenches never use mirrors or periscopes, like they did in World War One.
• Any kid, or dog for that matter can wonder around through an artillery barrage and not get killed while half the outfit will alway get wiped out.
• No one will shoot the hero and the battle will even come to a stand still while the hero cries in agony and curse that "it should've been him" when his best friend steps on the land mine/get blown up/ dies charging the machine gun nest. The battle will resume as soon as the hero gets over his grief and gets angry. The hero will be victorious within 45 seconds of becoming angry.
• Any machine gun nest can be approached from behind without dificulty, but not until half the unit has been wiped out.
• Soldiers will ask for keys for military vehicles eventhough these vehicles dont use keys.
• If soldiers start to eat/drink/change socks/go to the bathroom, they will get orders to move out immediately.
• Soldiers will always make a comment about the food, usually something along the line of "I stepped in it but I've never ate it" or "if we feed this to the ´krauts´ we'd win the war tomorrow".
• Soldiers and sailors must have at least on bar room brawl usually followed by a scene where they come to each others mutual aid the next day.
• There has to be a scene involving giving chocolate to children or nylons/cigarettes to women in a WW II movie. The soldiers never try to take advantage of the situation by asking for sexual favors in return.
• There is also an obligatory scene where a soldier reads a travel brochure about beautiful Italy/Germany/France/Guam/ while the camera pans across the blown up country side.
• If the travel guide scene is omitted, you'll be treated with the scene where a soldier comments about how nice everything looks, too bad there's a war going on, he's going to come back when this is all over. He'll be shot by a sniper shortly after this scene.